Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Never get out of the boat

Yesterday, Miz Perfect and Rice-Boy Larry went to another party. Larry's friends are all rich. Their fathers are doctors and professors. Sadly, I'm just a poor working man. In fact, I'm so broke that I often drink generic cola. It's tough to keep up with the Joneses. I hope Larry becomes a member of the proletariat when he moves to China. Maybe I'll be able to save a buck or two.

I was supposed to go to school in order to clean up my classroom. There are many i's to dot and t's to cross. But I was just too lazy. I watched Game of Thrones instead. The show was wonderful as usual. The young Stark girl is becoming quite the accomplished assassin. She kills all of Walder's men with poisoned wine. Meanwhile, The Hound is growing a conscience. He shows remorse by burying two of his former victims and praying over their corpses. But I will say this. If Jon Snow wins the throne, I shall defecate right in my hat. That boy should still be dead.

I also viewed UFC Fight Night 113. Gunnar Nelson, the karate-guru from Iceland, got his butt kicked by a dude from Argentina. Nelson was put to sleep due to several successive right hands. That's what I love about mixed martial arts. Everybody takes a beating from time to time--even the stars of the sport. I used to think that MMA was a white trash sausage-festival. But then I had the pleasure of watching Jon Bones Jones work his magic. He lifts fighting to an art form.

Ken woke up at 3 p.m. He sleeps days while visiting the peninsula. Why? He enjoys the PC Room. The poor child's an addict. He plays Overwatch all night long. Things could always be worse. At least he's not hooked on drugs. Ken's on the honor roll, so I cut him lots of slack. I was never on the honor roll. He wants to be a registered nurse.

He said, "Dad, I'm going out."

I said, "Can I make you breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry."

"OK. See you later."

He walked out the door.

I ate several pounds of left-over fried chicken and drank many bottles of Belgian pilsner. I'm a big fat slob. My gluttony knows no bounds. I want to stop being such a pig. My goal is to become less like Homer Simpson and more like Atticus Finch. I have faith. Anything is possible with the Lord on your side.

Speaking of God...There are two instances in the Bible where Peter steps out of the boat. The first is when he witnesses Jesus walking on water. Christ calls for his servant, and Peter follows. He walks on the sea successfully for a couple of steps. Then he sinks like a stone. The second time comes at the end of The Gospel of John. Peter sees the risen Christ cooking fish along the shore of Galilee. He jumps out of the boat and swims to his master. Jesus tells Peter that his own crucifixion in Rome is right around the corner.

What's the lesson of the story? Stay in the boat if you value your life. I bring this up because of my move to China. Nobody lives forever, so there is no point in valuing your existence too much. Plus you can't take your money with you when you die. Therefore, it actually makes sense to store your treasure in heaven. This change in location is my feeble attempt to step out of the boat.

Miz Perfect and Rice-Boy Larry came home at 9 p.m. I took a shower and said the Lord's Prayer. Then I went to bed.


  1. when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.

    frankly that is depressing

    dancing with the stars is a lot better.

    1. Hi Anonymous.

      I wouldn't call it depressing. It's better than dying of the runs.