Friday, August 4, 2017

Eating crab in Uljin

(Seafood is expensive in Korea.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Over 200 Chinese citizens were arrested in Cambodia because of an online nudity scandal. These fraudsters somehow convinced na├»ve Cambodians to send them naked photos. Then they threatened to post the pictures on the internet unless the victims gave them money. The Chinese government has been cracking down on overseas criminals. Maybe I'm a dirty fascist, but I stand with the PRC on this issue. Those scammers should spend time behind bars.

I drove with Miz Perfect to a travel agency. We got the receipt for our plane trip to Shanghai. My new employer is covering our moving expenses, so we need to document everything.

Miz Perfect said, "Ret's dlive to Yeongdeok to eat da clab."

I said, "Yeongdeok? That's two hours away."

"It not two hour. It onry one hour."

I've been married for eighteen years, and sometimes it's just best to nod and smile. Besides, it's not like I had anything better to do.

Two hours later, we arrived in Yeongdeok. We parked our car and started searching for restaurants. All the establishments charged 60 dollars per crab. The price for seafood in South Korea is simply outrageous.

I said, "I'm not paying that kind of money for dinner. The bill will come to over $300. Let's save our cash, and we'll hit a nice restaurant in Shanghai."

Miz Perfect started searching for buffets on her smartphone. She found an all-you-can-eat crab eatery in a town called Uljin. The price was $28 per person and $10 for children. It was forty minutes away.

I bought two big cans of Guinness at a convenience store. I sucked them down during the ride."

My wife said, "Why you dwink all da time?"

I said, "I don't drink all the time. I only drink when we go out."


"Alcohol makes life more tolerable."

The restaurant was a hole-in-the-wall on the side of the road. But it lived up to its billing. I stuffed my face with steamed crab for two straight hours. I washed the vittles down with soju.

Rice-Boy Larry said, "Dad, you eat like white trash."

I said, "That's not very nice. You just slammed me with a racist slur."

He said, "I can't be racist. Only white folks are racist. You people have all the power."

"I stand corrected."

We didn't get home till 10 p.m. I watched Game of Thrones. After that, I prayed to God and went to bed. I slept like the dead.


  1. when he say: "You people have all the power", he also could go, like: Pope Nicholas V give you people all the power.

    because Dum Diversas

    it give full and free permission to invade, search out, capture, and subjugate the Saracens and pagans and any other unbelievers and enemies of Christ wherever they may be, as well as their kingdoms, duchies, counties, principalities, and other property [...] and to reduce their persons into perpetual servitude

    and that is pretty much all the power. like game-over power. game of thrones power.

    perp freeking petual servitude power

    only thing is, the omnipower went to Afonso the African

    the african

    he was like hispanic or whatever. because african = portuguese = white.

    1. Thanks Anonymous.

      Great history lesson. I'm not a huge fan of any pope, either.


  2. Mr. Smith, have you thought about making a YouTube channel and posting vlogs? I'd be one of your faithful subscribers.

    1. Hi Takeshima.

      Not really. I'll just stick to writing.