Saturday, August 19, 2017

Live shrimp cooked on rock salt

(Shrimp are delicious in spite of the cruelty.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a seafood restaurant. We enjoyed live shrimp cooked on a bed of rock salt. The poor little suckers squirmed to and fro in the frying pan before turning pink and finally dying. The meal was delicious. I'm a big fan of shellfish. They bring me joy. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of water. Sometimes, H2O is the only liquid which truly quenches my thirst. A good time was had by all.

We walked back to The Queen Elephant's house. I watched several episodes of Vikings with Rice-Boy Larry. Vikings is one of my favorite shows of all time. I'm currently at the part where Ragnar is put to death by King Aella. He's dumped into a pit filled with venomous vipers. It's not a pleasant way to go.

I wanted to call Ken the Atheist using FaceTime. But The Queen Elephant doesn't have WiFi in her apartment. It's like living in the Stone Age. I said my prayers and went to bed at two a.m. I dreamt about my dead uncle. He had a perm and a curly beard. The poor man looked ridiculous. I almost cried.

I woke up at 11 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I turned on CNN International. Don Lemon shared some terrible news with the entire globe. Donald Trump and Steve Bannon have parted ways. I'm no longer a supporter of Trump. In fact, I don't support anybody. Bannon was the guy pushing Donald's populist agenda. Without Steve, my president is just another Marco Rubio with better jokes. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

I got into a fight with Miz Perfect. Her Grave's Disease makes her hormonal from time to time.

I said, "Who were you talking to on the telephone?"

She said, "It not you bidness."

I said, "OK. I was just asking."

She said, "It was my sista. She take us to dinna."

I was pleasantly surprised. "Where are we going?"

She said, "How da fluit should I know? Am I my sista? You da stoopid man."

I walked into the other room. I can't be bothered with squabbles. I'm just too fruiting old for the headaches often associated with marriage. I cherish peace.

I walked with Larry to the internet cafe. We stopped at the 7-11 to buy drinks. We purchased two cans of Pepsi. Larry is currently playing some video game while I write this stupid blog. We'll probably return home at 6 p.m. to get our free meal. I'll be in China in a couple of days--God willing.


  1. the quote was in response to the saying-your-fruiting-prayers before sleeping-like-the-dead, and wondering whether your prayers were patterned after the prayer of somebody biblical

    an internet search for 'the prayer of"
    returns "prayer of jabez" as the top match. so maybe it is the best candidate for a prayer to recite every day.

    20 times per day was just made up from thin air.
    likewise facing the internet.
    the internet is not actually in any particular direction.
    the number of degrees to bend the knee(s) was also a quantitative take on the art of reciting the prayer.

    the funny thing about the prayer of jabez is that when you look at the literal translation of the hebrew
    you find:
    enlarge my coast that might be your hand with me that you would keep [me] evil that it may not do grieve

    the word translated as grieve is also hurt, pain, displease.

    quite a prayer. keep me evil so that I don't get displeased.
    that jabez.

    if you say in in hebrew 20 times fast, pastor john would think you're speaking in tongues, which might piss him off a little bit. unless he's fluent in hebrew. maybe he says it himself every day when nobody's around. his followers would think he was speaking in tongues. then they would ask him to prophesy. and heal them of their bodily ailments.

    the other prayer-named-after-somebody, says google, is the prayer of agur
    "I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God"

    a slight rearrangement yields the (mis)translation:
    "may I become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God"

    which more in line with mister jabez. sort of an anti-prayer kind of prayer. the noteworthy thing about the prayer of agur, of course, is that it contains the line "give me only my daily bread" which was evidently plagiarized in the JC prayer.

    if you tuck your blogs into your bitcoin encrypted distributed ledger, maybe the firewall won't censor them so much.

    this was all spoilers.
    pretty lame.
    no need to post it.

    safe travels and happy miracles

    1. Hi Anonymous.

      I had a dream about Pastor John MacArthur. Do you find his speaking style compelling?


  2. Mr. Wonderful - Glad to see that you're posting regularly. I recall at some point, perhaps in a previous blog, you posted stories about your past. I found those postings fascinating and would love to see them again. Best wishes.

    1. Hi Takeshima.

      I can't be bothered with the past these days. I'm planning to write this blog for a year. Then I'm going to publish it as a book on Amazon and see if anybody buys this trash.


  3. Thank you, anyway, for your blog.
    It gives me toughts and feelings from a place quite distant from me. And i feel they are true. Quite true.
    And this (your jokes, your pics, your style )is really nice, and good. Sometimes it makes me smile (and laugh!) at the screen here at work. Thank you!