Saturday, September 16, 2017

Saturday at home

(I haven't done a damn thing all day.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. A guy from Texas went crazy after his wife filed for divorce. He took a gun, went to her house, and slaughtered everybody at a dinner party she was hosting. Nine people died during the attack.

I called Ken the Atheist using FaceTime.

I said, "How's life?"

He said, "Not much is happening."

I said, "How are classes going?"

He said, "They're OK. I'm getting an A in algebra II."

I said, "Wow, that's wonderful."

I walked Rice-Boy Larry to school. We live very close to a huge factory. There are Chinese people dressed in pink jackets who walk up and down the street at all hours of the day and night. They're either coming from or going to work. The factory never closes. It chugs away twenty-four hours a day.

Larry said, "It's so hot."

Weather in Shanghai is brutal. By the time the boy got to school, he was covered from head to foot in a glaze of sweat. His skin was so shiny and brown that he resembled a Christmas turkey.

I said, "You look delicious."

He said, "You're stupid."

Miz Perfect made beef and French fries for dinner. The meal was wonderful--especially the fries. They were hot and crisp and salty. I washed the vittles down with a big bottle of Suntory beer. Beer is very cheap in China. A guy can become an alcoholic at a reasonable price.

Miz Perfect said, "I find Rarry a tutor. She come next week."

I said, "OK."

"She charge 150 rmb for da hour. It expensive."

"Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

I prayed to God at eleven p.m. After that, I went to bed. I didn't dream. I slept for ten hours. I must have been beat. I've been suffering from terrible allergies lately.

It's now Saturday afternoon. I haven't done a damn thing all day. I'm just sitting on my sofa writing this stupid blog. I've decided to post ten entries per month. That seems like a good round number.

God bless.

Saturday, September 2, 2017

I went downtown

(I now eat pigeon.)

Yesterday, I took the metro to People's Square. I had to ride the busiest line to get there. Line 2 is absolute murder. The tube is stuffed to the gills with human flesh. There's absolutely no room to move. Line 1 is no bed of roses, either. But I have to say this. The Shanghai subway system is cheap and easy to master. It will get you anyplace you want to go.

We walked around the city admiring the beautiful modern buildings. But we were quite famished, so we found a restaurant that had a picture-book menu. Neither my wife nor I can speak a word of Chinese. Therefore, it was convenient to point at the stuff we wanted when the waiter took our orders.

I decided to go ethnic. I had fried suckling pigeon. I also stuffed my fat face with noodles and rice. I washed the vittles down with two big bottles of Suntory beer.

Miz Perfect said, "You da disgusting man. Who eat da pigeon? You gloss."

I said, "I'm not gross. I just want to see how the other half lives."

To be honest, pigeon doesn't have a lot of meat. However, the bird is quite tasty. I recommend it for those of you who want to live on the culinary edge. It's something you can tell your grandchildren--if you don't die of food poisoning first.

We had a hard time hailing a taxi home. All the locals use an app called DiDi to summon a ride. I shall have to master the art, or I'll be spending a lot of time out in the elements. I also have to master Alipay and WeChat.

We finally got back to our humble abode at 11 p.m. I drank several cans of beer. After that, I prayed to God and climbed into bed at one a.m. I slept like the dead.

I woke up this morning at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read Lord of the Flies while taking a bathroom break. I'm not a huge fan of the novel. But it was one the bookshelf, so why not?

Today, I'm going to the market for a new pair of shoes. My other shoes are too tight and making my life miserable.

Anyway, I've got nothing else to tell you.

God bless.